8 Ways to Destroy Your Children’s Ministry

by Roger Fields
from www.coldwatercafe.com


1. Do as many programs as possible. Start with Sunday School, Awana, children’s choirs, Christmas programs, Easter programs, VBS, summer camp, and day care. Then do whatever is working in some other church. Do every program that everyone expects. That will guarantee your children’s ministry will eventually collapse under its own weight with you at the bottom.

2. Emulate the public school system. Make sure your children’s ministry reminds the kids of a school classroom. Define “teaching” as lecturing about the Bible. Make sure your rooms are beige with folding, metal chairs. And don’t forget to put as much useless stuff as possible on the walls.


3. Beg for volunteers often. Make sure people know how desperate you are as you try to get them on board your sinking ship. Never recruit someone who might actually be effective. Instead, beg for whoever is willing.

4. Do everything yourself. That’s the only way to make sure anything is done right. Training others is risky and time consuming. If you let someone else do something they might make a mistake and that is unacceptable. Don’t work smart; work hard.


5. Never ask for money. Be as timid as possible. Never give the impression you actually believe in what you are doing. Pretend it is more spiritual to do without.

6. Don’t use your faith. Never pray or ask God to do something extraordinary. Convince yourself things are so bad that even God can’t turn it around.


7. Never take any risks. Never make big changes. Only do what is safe. Make small incremental improvements on programs that never produce much. That way you can wear yourself out and never see much fruit.

8. Complain all the time. Complain to your family, your friends, the parents, the kids, and the pastor. Complain to anyone who will listen. Make sure everyone knows how miserable you are. That way when it all falls apart and you are carted off to the funny farm, your friends will know you have gone to a better place.